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Relationships Break ups Dating Communication Divorce Fighting Infidelity Jealousy Marriage Money Parenting Sex |
home > dynamic relationships > relationship skills > relationships answers
Relationships answers
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I
am an athlete a very high competitive
level and in a semi serious relationship,
I am struggling with my lack of playing
time and the frustration of that is
carried over into my relationship and
causing us to fight over everything and
him to not support me at my sport at all,
I'm so confused and hurt and don't know
what to do to make myself happy again and
have his support
Hi, Being successful in life has a lot to do with surrounding yourself with the right people, those who support your goals and will motivate you in reaching them. The fact that it is a semi serious relationship means you have a choice right where you are. Competition sport has a lot to do with conquering power. To be fit to compete, you must be a frictionless, problem free zone as much as you can. Problems at home or within the relationship are a great source of stress and can highly limit your success. Someone who does not believe in you is like a permanent drain in the back of your mind. Solutions?
I wish you
good luck and infinite success!
Enjoy!
I'm
34, I have 4 beautiful children, I'm a
stay home mom, some college, but no
degree and I'd love to start over with
a career when the kids are all in
school (or sooner). I've been married
for 13 years and it's not a good
marriage. I've been seriously
considering divorce for about 2 1/2
years. I have a hard time making
decisions and I feel trapped by my
husband and his attitude toward me. I
have no money, he handles all the
finances. I have given too much to
him and I've been very stupid. I need
to look out for myself and my
children. I have to find a career
that produces financial security,
gives me back my self esteem and
allows me to spend time with my
children and be a great mom
Hi, What you are talking about is a battle. It's good to realize this from the start. It is a battle to gain back your emotional freedom, your mind space, your full potential as a human being. It is a respectful goal and it is not something you fight against someone. It is a battle you fight for yourself, out of love and respect for your being and who you are. What you want to get is life satisfaction and you do deserve it like any other human being. You have the tools to create what you want. To go there, you need to manifest you own power and not be afraid of expressing it. Again, what you are looking for is your human right. You are given the right from birth to be master of your time, space, resources, finances, ideas and emotions. Your are the boss, the chief, the architect of your existence. YOU! Sometimes you give away that power. The moment you want to get it back, you have to fight for it and discover in you resources and life skill you did not express before. This stretches your comfort zone and there is always at least some challenge and risk taking involved. How do you win this battle? Here are a few ideas:
There
is of course much more...
To try
it out, I encourage you to gather
information and take small
non-committed steps to test the
waters. Gather info for instance about
career options, courses, etc.
Leave
all the options open at this stage.
You don't have to take a decision yet.
Wish to
hear from you again soon
Enjoy!
Hi,
How are you today?
This is a reply to
a message you posted on
vitalcoaching.com.
I sent you a couple
of other general messages (I hope
it's alright with you) but I
wanted to send you a more personal
note as well.
Relationships are
an essential aspect of your life
satisfaction. They are a place for
magic and harmony, fire, pleasure
and much more. There is no reason
to stay half way and not get what
you deserve.
I would be honored
to help you further with
developing your relationship
skills.
Wish to hear again
from you soon
Enjoy!
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Hi,
Sorry to hear that. Looks like you are under lots of pressure. Are you okay?
I know it's a tough decision to take but there is only one way out of this situation. Gambling is a destructive addiction. It is destroying your relationship and your life.
Sometimes you can handle the challenge and live through that. Now, how close are you to the breaking point? You know already that you won't change him. He is the only one who can take charge and responsibility for himself.
Right now, if you can't take distance, the first step is to protect your personal space and take some steps backwards. Instead of an explosive shift, take some small steps instead to regain your personal power.
Do whatever it takes to protect your finances and personal space. Alarm other people in the family, friends... Tell them what is going on and that you are close to the breaking point. Share with others and stop protecting him. Don't take responsibility for his actions by protecting him.
Focus on yourself. Going down with him won't help anyone.
This is a battle and that's how you have to see it. Kindness and love are great and I am sure you know how to use them. Now, if you want new boundaries and protect yourself, you have to come in with power and determination.
See it as a battle for independence and for the safety of those you love.
Enjoy!
Hi,
In dating or relationships terminology, this is "getting over a guy" (or guys in general).
How do you do that? Clear your physical space. Get rid of memories and whatever is keeping you in the past. To stay free focus on networking rather than investing your whole life and being in one single person.
It is okay to exchange and share and have fun, but you are the centre of your life. You are the most important being in your existence. Find 10 ways of saying this same thing (I am the centre of my life) with different words. Write these affirmations down and use them, send them to friends, email them to me.
Enjoy!
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| Your question |
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I feel
like I am not good enough for
my boyfriend. That seems
stupid though because a guy
friend of mine says that he is
going to ask me to marry him
soon. He has always been
completely faithful I couldn't
ask for more. I want to stop
feeling jealous or worried
about every girl that walks in
the room and talks to him. I
think I have trust issues.
How can I fix this? |
| Answer |
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Hi,
How are you today? This is the answer to the question you recently posted on vitalcoaching.com The good point of what you say is that there is awareness in you. You know what is going on. You know that your partner values you and your presence. There are two directions you can work on: The first one is accepting who you are and loving yourself more. This is the direction of self worth, self esteem. You heard these terms before. What do they mean to you? It simply means one thing: more love and respect for yourself and for others. The second direction is to do something about what you don't like. Nobody is perfect: there are always some aspects of your life that you can change.
For instance, you don't like being jealous? What is the opposite of being jealous? Trust, right? Check this link to see what you can do about jealousy: http://vitalcoaching.com/relationships/iamtoojealous.htm
In situations like yours the best is to break the "problem" or challenge in very small parts that you can handle one by one. You focus on one aspect for 1 week and move on to something else the following week. To be successful with that you have to invest at least some time, energy and focus and make it your priority number one. I believe that within a couple of months, you could look at your life and your relationship very differently. Now, it is up to you. The only thing which can make a difference is you deciding to do something about it and taking action. The main action you have to take is retrain your emotional response, attitude and behavior in very specific life situations. Check as well this link: http://vitalcoaching.com/lifeskills/4stepsnewbehavior.htm Enjoy! Francisco |
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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| Your question |
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Find a
partner - I have too many
choices |
| Answer |
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Hi,
How are you today? This is the answer to the question you recently posted on vitalcoaching.com If you have too many options to choose from, that's excellent. What you need is some simple choice making tips:
Enjoy!
Francisco |
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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| Your question |
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Dear
advisor I am torn between
two woman. the first woman
is my child's mother. she
is a good woman, smart and
driven. the second person
has the same
characteristics. but she
is not as driven and much
older. I can see my future
clearly with my child's
mother not with the other
person. I want to call of
the relationship with the
other woman but find it
difficult to hurt her and
the children. how can I
make the transition easy
as possible for all whom
is involved.
PS: I
really love the other
woman but I want to look
at the future. thanks.
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| Answer |
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Hi,
How are you today? The key is to make the transition smoothly. Instead of disinvesting all at once. Take small steps backwards. Start by spending less time together. Don't respond to some of her invitations, etc. This makes it easier because there is no "statement" involved. If you don't want to hurt her, instead of breaking up, let the strings of the relationship simply dissolve themselves. Something else you can do is being extremely supportive in her socializing and meeting other people. Encourage her to go out and respond to opportunities in the same way as you would do with a best friend. Help her build her own power, her own base, and let her feel and understand that you are gently stepping back. What hurts in a break up, is the fact that it is sudden and brutal. Simply disinvest yourself rather than breaking up, that way it will give her a bit more time to readapt to the new situation. Enjoy! Francisco |
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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| Your question |
| I'm 49, single, Christian, no single men in my church, I don't go to bars, I am mobility impaired. Where can I meet single men my age? |
| Answer |
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Hi,
How are you today? Solution? go online. I know, maybe you feel resistance to take steps in that direction because in your mind it's impersonal and fake? No way. Let go of your resistance and step into it. It's a powerful world of magic where you can get in touch with millions of people around the world. It is a space where you can train yourself, develop new skills. It is safe. You have to make a choice. If you already explored what you know, you have to step into what you don't know and take at least some risks along that line. Open up to it and I would say go for it 100%. It takes 1 to 3 months to get familiar with this type of online activity. There are a few hurdles to overcome. You have a lot to offer, I am sure. How are you going to reach those you can exchange with? True, your present social circle might be too limiting. I had 3 similar coaching cases in the last year and all 3 met amazing new people and friends. It is within your range. I would be honored to help you with that and show you how to get familiar with that environment and overcome basic resistances or blockages. How do you know it will work for you? Trust! If you don't try, you'll never know. You'll gain much confidence by simply going for it. Think a 3 months period to reach your goals, taking a few steps every week. What does it take you?
Coaching session are
powerful breakthroughs. The question is:
"Do you consider yourself worth it?"
In my mind you are!
Your are the most important person in your
life. Investing in yourself gives you the
greatest life satisfaction. It shifts the
perception of who you are. It multiplies
your chances of success by 100!
Why? because you
benefit from unique expert support and
experience.
Enjoy! Francisco PS: If this email did offend you in any way, accept my sincere apologies. I believe in you. I am thrilled by the idea of what you can achieve!
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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| Your question |
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My problem is
jealousy, I know my boyfriend loves me, but
somehow I do not trust him, and imagine he
is up to all sorts of things when we are not
together. I do not know how to stop myself
feeling this way, and I believe it has led
to my present situation of drinking too
much. |
| Answer |
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Hi,
How are you today? This is the answer to the question you recently posted on vitalcoaching.com
Jealousy is a natural protection. It is
there to protect your relationship space
and your family.
Now, when you overuse jealousy, you are
actually destroying the harmony in the
couple. You are using control, and
limiting your partner's life often without
any good reason. It's simply the result of
an irrational fear.
The best is to strengthen the
opposite mind patterns in you. Use
affirmations like "I trust you!" or "You
are free" or "I value too much our
relationship to destroy it by being
jealous". Tell this to yourself. Tell this
often to your partner when you feel you
are just on the "edge".
Jealousy is a natural instinctual
response. Learn to tame this response.
Being afraid of the dark, afraid of
heights, or being afraid when your partner
speaks with another woman are all
irrational responses. Reprogram yourself
for these situations. Realize it can be
done and realize as well that it is for
the best of your relationship.
You don't need to do it all at once. the
best is to take small "affordable" steps
that bring you closer and closer to your
ideal situation.
I would really like to help your further
with that. If you feel that your
relationship is worth 30 minutes of your
time then take the step. This is not about
me coaching you. It is about you taking a
real decision to do something about it.
What does it take? I believe that within 1
month, you could look at all that from a
very different perspective, but there are
new skills you want to find in you. It is
possible and it is not complicate.
What it costs? Nothing if you take a free
30 min session. More if you go for one
month coaching.
If it makes a difference? definitely yes.
I want to ask you something: Click on the
links under here and at least consider the
option.
Your present limits are not your real
limits. There is more than what you are
experiencing right now. I can truly help
you take this to the next level. If I was
you, I would not hesitate a second, I
would take this chance and go for it. It's
unique and won't come across your path
that often. A window of opportunity is now
open. This window is now, today, not
tomorrow or next year.
Make a clear shift and take the decision
to do something about it. Simply stepping
back and comforting yourself in your
present behavior and attitude is not
enough and won't work. You want to take it
to the next level. Use your power and
determination. It is your life! It is
easy, it is within your reach and you are
worth it!
Enjoy! Francisco PS: I am in The Netherlands. Trust me, call me! |
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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| Your question |
| how do I find out that she is cheating |
| Answer |
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Hi,
It's essential you check it out as soon as possible. If it's not true, you might be ruining your relationship with imagining things, so find out what is truly going on. I would say that at least in 50% of this type of situations, imagination is playing tricks on guys and on women. There are worries and doubts rising without real ground. It's like the dark side of relationships. Dealing with this type of feelings or situations is a skill you must master. So here is what you can do to check it out.
Enjoy! Francisco |
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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| Your question |
| how to decide when communication breakdown cant be repaired when I'm constantly having to defend myself and be on guard in conversation with my partner we never seem to agree anymore and cant be sexually active as I have no sex drive at moment/ he don't no how to woe me anymore |
| Answer |
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Hi,
How are you today? This is the answer to the question you recently posted on vitalcoaching.com I feel it is essential to take some distance and look at your relationship with a wider perspective. The question is: "Where are you in your relationship cycle?" Are you in a place where you want to invest in it and make it work no matter what or are you in a situation where you had it and are ready to move on? What matters is your desires, what you want. Right now, what I "hear" in your message is: "I had it and I want to move on...". Whatever your reasons, this is a natural and respectful wish and I can help you with that... On the other hand, if you really would like it to work but don't know where to start. I can help you with that as well. You are obviously at a crossing point. If you want to decide, the best is to take small non committed steps in both directions, simply to test the waters. Remember, it is simply to test the waters and get a feeling. All your options stay open. You don't want to shut down any doors at this stage, right? You requested a free 30 min session. It would be of course useful to have a chat about it. It's open and you stay totally free to follow up if you feel like. Only one free session could make a big difference: there are some key simple techniques you can apply to either move on or refresh the communication channels... We can talk about both. If you want to focus on building up your life power, gaining more freedom and energy to breakthrough whatever is limiting you, I can help you with that as well. You requested a session for the 27th which is already past, so simply email me couple of times that would work for you and we'll schedule another call. It's in your hands. You decide Best Francisco PS: I am in The Netherlands. PS 2: If you are not comfortable with calling, we can have an MSN instant messenger chat. |
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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| Your question |
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how to make my
wife as a free and frank and cooperative
personality from existing hide and seek
personality. She is also still her parents
advice dependent. how to make her a
independent free and frank person? |
| Answer |
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Hi,
How are you today? This is the answer to the question you recently posted on vitalcoaching.com It is very tricky to change someone else's behavior or attitude. Why? simply because another person has its own self will. Anyone has the power and right to decide for themselves, so when you want to change someone else, what you are doing is overriding that person's will. This is why it is much better to change your own behavior and perception rather than change the other person. You'll get much faster simply because you have a greater power over yourself than over someone else. If the person wants to change and asks you for help, that's another story, but I understand this is not the case. You can help someone by waking up her desire and natural life power. Anything which would look like control or forcing from you would definitely be counter productive and end working against you. Enjoy! Francisco |
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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| Your question | |
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Dear All, I'm changing my job soon, leaving the country I was leaving since 5 years, to go to get married and live with my husband's country, of course I will change my all my life, job, friends, etc. But I feel happy and excited in the moment, as I was already board in my actual job, I'm sure that I will find happiness, and I'm not afraid about a change as I had already done it in the past and left my home country, family to come and work to Dubai, the only thing I'm worried about is that even with my future husband I may get bored, we already discussed this matter and he promised me that we will have a lot of travel, activities hobbies in our life, but I still feel afraid to lose my freedom, I already feel like a small weight on my ailes!! What do you think!! Thanks |
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| Answer | |
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Hi,
How are you today? This is an answer to question you recently posted on vitalcoaching.com. Congratulations with your marriage! An exciting new step in your life! I think that I trust your feelings. Something in you knows what you want. It is true that staying professionally active gives you more freedom and independence. It validates you and keeps you moving and creative. It gives you the opportunity to meet people as well. Anyway, I see it as 100% positive. It is as well refreshing for your relationship. Getting married does not mean giving away your life. Romantic holidays are great but that's only a couple of weeks a year. Maybe a month. Hard to live only on that. In my opinion, it is your life. What is your ideal picture? You should decide and your partner should support you in your choices. You can take steps like this one very smoothly. Discuss it openly with your partner. There are many possible variations. The important is that you don't put your needs and wants aside. Don't sacrifice yourself. In a marriage, everyone should win. Good luck with that and feel free to stay in touch Enjoy! Francisco |
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Who is your coach? What is the price? How is coaching set up? How do I sign in? |
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francisco@vitalcoaching.com - www.vitalcoaching.com - 0031 (0)6 27 590 694 |
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I was dating this guy... after a while I fell in love with him. I put all I had into the 17 months we were together, and I never got anything in return. But that never really bothered me. But when he broke up with me I found out from friends that he had cheated on me the whole time during our relationship, and that did. Mainly because I would question him, and when I did, it pissed him off. He would say stuff like, why am I even with him? And you don't trust me... so I thought he did love me and would never cheat on me. I was wrong. So after we broke up I was really upset and I would cry myself to sleep a lot of the times. Finally a time came where I thought maybe I could try to date again. And that didn't work either. Every guy I came across I would like for about a week... and we would just hang out as friends. Then after that week I would just not talk to them anymore because I lost intrest. That happened a lot. But since April 2003 I did fall in love with someone. It was one of those things that you didn't see happening. I knew I had always liked Jeff, but I didn't know if he liked me. We were real good friends, and that was the end of it. And not too long ago Jeff admitted to me that he was gay. I was heartbroken, I cried for 6 hours straight. Even now like two months after him telling me, I am still in love and wish he wasn't gay. Now to add some more heartache... I find out Matt, who I still love dearly got his new girlfriend pregnant and they are now getting married. Okay?...And to top is all off... One of my bestfriends/ childhood love who I have known all my life is getting married as well. Only because he got his girlfriend pregnant too. So basically what has happened is that the three guys that I have ever loved in my life is either getting married or is gay. Yes, I know I should be happy for them if this is what they want. But I can't be happy... it just hurts too much. And I don't know what to do...
Hi,
My DH is a compulsive spender and verbally abusive. We have been bankrupt twice. Well it looks like we're going down that road again. I just feel sick. This man has verbally beat me down to the ground. I have
Thank you.
Hi,
Do you love him?
Do you want to stay with him?
Or do you feel it is time to make a move and
step into something new?
If you had the resources, finances and strength,
would you break away?
Yes I would. I'm tired of having my good name
dragged through the
mud and I'm tired of being so afraid I'm going
to lose everything and
I feel like I have no control over this bankrupt
situation at all.
What in HELL am I going to do if I lose my car?
How will I take care
of my parents? They will be sitting there 40
miles away and there
is NOTHING I can do to get to them to care for
them. I have nightmares
about this happening.
Just too much anxiety!!!!!!
Hi,
With crisis situations, it's okay to look at
short term and transitional solutions. Often
these solutions are not perfect but they give
you a short period of time to step back and gain
strength.
If you wanted to gain back control over your
finances, what would you do?
Is there a way, you can set up a separate bank
account, to make sure that what you earn stays
in your hands?
Where can you get legal advice and extra
support?
Check this link for divorce support and
splitting assets:
http://vitalcoaching.com/notes/divorceresources.htm
Focus on just one thing at a time and take
action. Don't think about it, take action.
Action is what makes the difference.
Warmly
My ex and I just broke up about 5 months ago ,we have done this once before already about 2 years ago it is the same scenario where he tells me he doesn't think he loves me anymore but as a friend and feels he needs to be alone, the only difference this time is that we are not allowed to talk because we are going to court over our daughter. I want to know how likely he is to repeat this again?
Hi,
I
am starting work tonight for the first time. I
am going to be working Sundays too. Me and my bf
live about an hour apart and try to see each
other as much as we can. we have been seeing
each other every weekend and Tuesday nights.
On Sunday I will be working 1-5. which means we
loose 4 hours of spending time together. My bf
is going to stay at my house whilst I work and
then we shall spend time together after I finish
work. But he is only going to try it out and see
if he likes it or not. Or the other idea is for
him to come over Monday night and Wednesday
night instead of Tuesdays.
I don't mind that idea but I like the thought of
seeing my bf after work and spending time
together. I will be finishing at 5 which gives
us even more time 2geva than when he comes over
on Tuesdays. He normally gets to mine at about 7
on Tuesdays.
I don't think 4 hours is long to wait. I have
been to his house and waited for him to come
home from work and that was waiting from 9 until
about 6!!
What do you reckon?
Time is too precious to
spend it simply waiting
for someone to come
home.
If he wants to do it,
that's fine, but if he
says he prefers going
for something else, I
would not blame him for
that.
If he does not go with
it, don't take it as a
sign that he does not
care or love you, he
probably simply values
his time.
His time is "his" time.
If you love him give him
the freedom to use it
the way he wants. Don't
put him under pressure.
This could mean trouble.
Let him free.
Does this help?
Good luck
I have been seeing
someone for almost 4
years in a causal
relationship. He is
divorced and has been
for 1 ½ years. I am in
the process of a
divorced. Well 3 years
ago when we were both
married and only having
a sexual relationship, I
made his wish of a 2 on
1 experience come true.
He is now asking for
this type of sexual
experience again. In a
way I want to do it for
him, but in the same
token, I want him to see
me as someone he can
have a long term
relationship as a life
long partner. My
question is due to our
history is it possible
for him to want me in
his life as someone he
can live with and who
can assist him in
raising his son or am I
just someone he sees as
a person to have fun
with in bed.
He does talk to me about
work and plans for his
home. He did invite me
to go out with friends
and I did meet his
sister. He use to not
include me but recently
has. He does call me
back and answer my
e-mails. I do care for
him and sense he cares
for me. My friends say,
that once you start as
the OW the male never
sees you as someone to
have in his life as a
partner and this hurts
me very much. Also,
because of the 2 on 1
thing I am so scared he
will never want me. If
there are any men on the
board your insight would
be helpful. I do not
want to lose him but
then I don’t want to
look for something I can
never have in my life.
Hi,
I understand your concern. I find the best thing to do is simply to have open conversation with him. If you want to know, ask him indirectly what he thinks about commitment and marriage. Use the example of a close friend, a movie or something you heard in the news. Don’t corner him and don’t make it personal. Be open and let him share. Go with the flow of what he says and try to understand where he stands about this subject in general. He might give you essential hints between the lines.
You asked for a men’s opinion? In my opinion, as a guy, what you shared could increase your complicity rather than devaluate it.
I feel that the resistance to investing again in a steady relationship has to do with his past. Because of the broken marriage, he might believe right now that committed relationships simply don’t work or are too demanding or limiting.
It has nothing to do with you. It’s simply related with seeing a marriage as a mistake altogether. Men (and women) will think things like: “I failed in my relationship. I failed in my marriage” because they divorced after 5, 10 or 20 years.
I feel that this is the type of stuff he is digesting right now. He can’t commit at this stage because his mind is not free. If it takes him 2 years to introduce you to his sister, it’s not because he does not care for you but because the ghost of his broken marriage is still in his mind.
Maybe it’s as well the ghost of his ex which is still in his mind. A friend told me it took him 7 years to get over it and feel actually free!
He might look at other relationship options at this stage (more open and free – less committed) as a possible, less painful or complicate alternative.
Maybe he just needs freedom and fun at this stage and the idea of commitment simply limits him.
I don’t think you should worry about what you did or did not do. I am sure you have plenty to offer.
Wish this helps you understand
Good luck and stay in touch
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