When the relationship ends, these patterns stay around. Unless you do something consciously to remove these frames, they stay around for very long and simply stop you from moving forward and respond to the new opportunities which arise.

The first step is to get clear about your choice.

In a break situation, it's rarely both partners who break up. One takes off, the other stays behind hoping for a shift, a return of the who left.

If you partner is gone, the pain you feel is related with an emptiness. You have a relationship vehicle which just collapsed and it is this emotional collapse which creates pain.

Now, you can't carry this vehicle by yourself. A relationship is a "spirit" in itself.

When one partner goes, you tend to stay in a space where you keep feeding the relationship by yourself. Why? Because the relationship you had is an intelligent set of forces which simply does not want to let you go.

When your partner leaves, there is an attachment in you, a desire to get back together.

It's this desire which creates pain. Why because you keep putting energy into something which is not responding. You try to maintain the relationship spirit alone, while your partner is already investing their life into their next step.

So, what to do? It is okay to give it some time. Take simply whatever time you need to naturally let go of what you had.

The second step is to realize that a battle is going. As long as you are still focused on the relationship, you carry by yourself a two person's mind set. This simply requires too much energy and after a while, you simply run out. There is an emotional depression created and it simply requires from you extra will power and energy you can't provide.

Your relationship is in the past. As long as you stay focused in the past, you can't move into your future.

What you need in that space is extra power. It is power to free yourself, power to let go and power to create a new mind set.

After a break up, your rebuild a new personal vehicle where the emotional base is radically different. You reorient your beliefs, desires. You shift attitudes, actions and plans.

All this change requires extra focus and energy. This transition period can be a time of crisis because you are somewhere between you past and your future.

The most destructive pattern at that time is usually not wanting to let go. This attachment to the past is what creates pain.

Desire for revenge keeps you as well focused on the relationship and turns this stage of your existence into a very destructive spiral. This can generate even more suffering and destruction which is not really constructive.

The first elements you need to conquer back are your personal space, time frame, actions, beliefs, emotions, etc. You can summarize this in one expression: Get your life back.

When you get your life back, you gain back control over what is yours. This often means establishing a new set of boundaries. For instance, you might go for a temporary "no contact" rule. This means that you ask your ex to stay away for a while until you feel stronger again.

One of the main mistakes, you can make in such period is not to realize that a battle is going on. Your mind becomes a battle field of emotions. You are the one in charge. Your task at that moment is to master that space and in a way, stay on top of it.

This does not mean blocking the flow of emotions. It means using and mastering the break up space.

A break up is a transition period. There are two main forces at play: One is a destructive force. That's the one which challenged your past relationship. The second force is a renewal power. This renewal power is an instinct. It is what allows you to move forward, get your life back, rebuild a new vehicle.

What saves you in such situations, is the connection with an inner strength. The renewal spirit is in you already. It's a powerful force in your being which gives you a base and energy.

In a way, everything else follows up from this inner connection.